WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
