i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
