he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
