Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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