Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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