My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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