Will you blow on my dice?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
