nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
