It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you mean i was at the winter classic?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Randomize
