We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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