listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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