i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
