I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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