I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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