I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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