would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
