Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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