You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize