Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pooping to opera.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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