i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
