I am puke
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
