the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
