I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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