yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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