Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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