The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
