"it" just moved
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
