ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
