my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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