Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
