Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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