I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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