Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize