Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize