The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize