you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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