# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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