And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
