I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
