I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
handjob tips. give me some.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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