I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
