You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
