i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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