ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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