We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize