That's intense
Ambien. No doubt about it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
