Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
