If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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