Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
