I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
