I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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