oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
