I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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