If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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