you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
