Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
