his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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