fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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