Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
