great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i'm inner monologue high
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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