Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
