did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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