Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
