so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
