you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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