hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
