Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
